Monday, July 27, 2009

A Real Nail Biter

Early this year while working through a bible study entitled "John, the Beloved Disciple" I answered a question. The question presented was: If you could change something about yourself, what would it be and why. The answer came quickly. I would stop biting my nails! My reason: I think it is a poor testimony to God!

I have been praying about being a nail biter for many years. I have stopped at times, used horrible tasting nail polish and even had fake nails put on ~ which I BIT OFF! Talk about disgusting...that was MANY, MANY years ago though. And I still found myself hating my hands and hating that terrible habit.

If someone wanted to take a picture of me, I would try to hide my hands. I read a story about Princess Diana after she died and her photographer told the same story about her. Interesting, I thought...she's so beautiful. Around the same time, I watched a home movie and there I was at age three biting my nails. WOW! Now that has been a long-standing problem.

So early this year, I decided I was ready to tackle this problem again. I was in a dilemma PLEADING with God to help me STOP BITING MY NAILS. I prayed once again and told God that I would definitely stop this time because I wanted to honor HIM! I would discipline my mind to stop the thoughts that seemed to be causing my anxiety and resulting in the nail biting. I would quickly analyze them, pray about them or confess them, or whatever I needed to do, to move on. It worked a lot! Other times, I would pray about it and later look down at my hands and see my nail-bitten fingers and have that same awful feeling. I was disappointed in my lack of discipline. I sometimes would just convince myself that it was just the way I am!

That would only last awhile, before I would be wishing for pretty nails again.

Sometime the end of May, as I was driving down the road...God seems to use those times when I am all alone to speak the loudest...mmm...that must mean I am hearing the loudest at those times... Anyway, I was driving down the road and found myself chewing on my nails. I recognized immediately what I was doing and stopped biting my nails. I prayed about whatever was on my mind. I immediately felt better. I felt successful and convinced myself that I responded so quickly this time that I must have this thing whipped!

Not so quickly now...I drove another 3 minutes, and guess what...my hands were in my mouth again! With no apparent effort, I was doing it again. I was ticked!!! I felt like such a failure!!!

I immediately cried out to Jesus...Please, Lord, help me! Why do I do this? I hate this about myself...it is a terrible testimony to you! I tell people how you bless me and give me peace and that you are so faithful, yet here I am filled with anxiety about so many things!
I was so honest with the Lord and I knew he was listening.

The Lord spoke into my heart and I will never forget it. He said, Tammy, you take immediate responsibility for everything and for everyone. When these thoughts come to your mind, you think it is up to you to solve all the problems in your little world.

I said, But, Lord, I can't solve all the problems in my world. A lot of this stuff hasn't even happened and if it did, I couldn't stop it anyway. I can't change anyone or change their circumstances or fix anyone! And the amazing thing is it is all in my head! All of these random thoughts present themselves as real, and most of it is not even reality!!! Why do I think that if I "think" about it long enough, I will be able to "solve" it? As I uttered that to the Lord, I saw it so clearly. I felt a huge weight come off of my shoulders.

I have been set free to let God solve all of the problems in my world! WOW! He is big enough! I have stopped biting my nails, and when those random thoughts enter my mind, I recognize they are not for me. I dismiss them and I thank God that He is God.

I am enjoying my new nails and my aged but beautiful hands. They are the ones that God gave me and they are His. I want to use them to glorify Him. I want my hands to be a testament to the One who carries the weight of the world on His shoulders and and to the One who watches over me!

So, what's your story? Where do you turn to solve all the "little problems" in your world? Maybe yours isn't as evident as mine like the awful habit of nail biting. Maybe you've convinced yourself that you are not like me at all. Hopefully, you're not. But, if the Lord has used my story to nudge you, I urge you to be completely honest with Him. He knows you intimately and He wants to set you free from all anxiety. Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you! He is an amazing God! Put your trust in Him and I promise you will not be disappointed!





Happy Summer!

Hello again! I have been enjoying this Summer so much being home with my boys! It is going by so quickly. We just finished our first Swim Team season and it was so much fun. The boys learned a lot and even were part of a relay team that set a new county record!

I have also been busy planning my daughter's wedding, which has been a lot of fun too. The ball is rolling very quickly now and reality is setting in. My little girl is going to be a wife and I can't wait until the day they decide to make me a grandmother! No pressure, though, haha! I'm so happy for them~

Every day I have seen God's hand guiding our steps and blessing our lives. He is so good and He is so faithful! He has done mighty things in my life that I can't wait to share with you. I hope that your eyes are upon Him and that you are resting in His love for you everyday!

A note from my daily calendar: You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matt. 22:37
If we place God first in our lives, all else will fall rightly into place, and love shall reign supreme.