Daughter of the King~My Story

The Lord has done an amazing work in my life over the past several years concerning who I am. I can confidently say that "I am the disciple the Lord loves." I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

When I first read that statement in the gospel of John, I remember thinking that John was really arrogant to claim that he was the disciple that the Lord loved. How could he be so sure of himself and the love of Jesus!

I now know what that means. It has everything to do with my position in Christ. I am His. This is my story...

Almost four years ago, while visiting a children's library in Brentwood, Tennessee with my two little boys, I opened a book. I usually spent time perusing children's books while the boys played on the computers or with table games. In the book was an illustration of a little prince. The little prince was climbing a set of stairs. He had a long and slightly over-sized robe hanging on his shoulders. He held his head up high and followed in His father's footsteps. The King was in his rightly position, with the Queen right behind him. The little prince followed a few steps behind them.

The Lord immediately spoke to my heart. He asked a question. Why do you think the little prince has his head held high? What makes him so confident? It was evident by the look on his face that he knew who he was. I said well he's a prince and HIS father is the King.

The Lord continued, Everything the prince has is a result of his relationship to his father. He has not done anything to earn it. It is positional. And everything in my kingdom belongs to you as my daughter. My children live so far below what I have intended. And, Tammy, I want to show you how to live in my kingdom. I want you to experience all that I have for you. I want you to live an abundant life. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE KING!

I was silent. I stood in amazement that God was using an illustration in a children's book written in 1940 to speak a profound spiritual truth to me. I knew that God had spoken and I was listening. I had no idea what he was going to do.

Shortly after that God moment, I went on a business trip with my husband where I met a woman from Nebraska. We spent an afternoon together by the pool sharing our faith. We just connected. She gave me a book about the life of Queen Esther. She felt the Lord wanted me to have it. She was so excited about how God would use the book to teach me about being a woman of God.

I read the book and was in awe of Esther's call on her life. She was a common girl and God raised her up to risk her life for His purposes. She was positioned to save a nation. God gave her favor and she obeyed against all odds. I was amazed by her life and her calling.

I had a hobby I loved. I had received a camera for a Mother's Day gift and spent lots of time taking pictures of my kids. One day, to my surprise God sent me my first "love note". I was on the beach, just pondering my future and asking God to give me peace. I opened my eyes and saw a perfect heart-shaped cloud in the sky. I smiled and said, Wow, Lord! I then thought, Hey, that's like a love note from God. And I responded, I love you too, Lord! I was fortunate to have my camera in hand and took a picture of the cloud.

The Lord has sent me many love notes in the form of heart-shaped clouds since that day. Each time, I am humbled and each time I feel so loved. And each time I respond with, Thank you, Lord. I love you too!

God began to use another teaching in my life. I always had what I called an "active mind". I was constantly carrying on conversations in my head with God, with myself and with others. It sounds crazy, but I thought I was just "different". Where did all of these ideas and thoughts come from? Then I began to understand that I could take authority over every thought. I didn't have to "think"every thought. It was a discipline of my mind. I began to find rest and a new way of living. God was setting me free.

I sensed God pursuing me. As I watched on the movie screen the depiction of His death, he took me to a new level. The price he paid to win me was like no other. He wanted me and he paid for it. He paid for you and every other person ever created. The scene was humbling and heart-wrenching. I found myself weeping throughout the whole movie. I felt Mary's grief. For the first time, I understood the piercing of her soul. I knew that only God could love us so much. I wanted everyone to understand this love. I never want to forget that deep emotion.

God placed another book in my life. The book revealed a relationship with the Lord that was as close as breathing. I knew that the Lord was with me. For 22 years, I have looked at everyday as an adventure with God. I look forward to seeing what he is going to do in my life and through my life everyday. But, I really understood...HE pursues ME! He wants to be loved by me. He wants to be loved by you. He wants to give us more than a ticket to heaven. He wants to give us a ticket to LIFE.

Throughout my journey, I have experienced loss, rejection, pain and separation just like you. My life is real just like yours. God doesn't prevent these LIFE events. We live in a real world. He says we will have trouble. We will not be fed on a silver spoon. That is not what Kingdom Life is all about. Kingdom Life is about being loved by the King, knowing that love and loving him in return.

Just when I was enjoying this life on the mountaintop, my life began to crumble. The doubts began to come. Do you know what I mean? Things like...IF God loves you so much, why is this happening? IF God cares so much about you, why do you feel so alone? IF....

I knew that God had brought me through these years of teaching for a reason. I hung on to the truth. I hung on to the revelations he had given me about himself. I took authority over the negative thoughts and lies. I experienced victory. And I experienced deep pain. I wanted to hang on...but I could only do it by the grace of God. I was about to experience God at another level. He was all I had... and He was all I needed.

During this time, I wanted a tangible crown. I needed a tangible reminder of who I was. I found a beautiful necklace with a crown pendant and began to wear it everyday. I would look in the mirror and remind myself who I was. "I am a Daughter of the King. He pursues me, he loves me and he wants to be with me."

This trial in my life has lasted much longer than I would desire. But, God has been with me every hour of every day. He has carried me, He has hidden me in the shelter of His wings, and He has prayed for me. He has kept me. And he has loved me.

In December of 2008, I went to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with my husband on another business trip. I wanted to use this time as a spiritual retreat. Everyday, I would place my beach chair on the edge of the water. Each day, I would spend time reading and praying and letting the same teaching go deeper into my spirit. I wanted to find favor with my King. I wanted to please him and to pursue him. He responds to that kind of fervor. He likes it...a lot! It isn't just words. It isn't just actions. It is a feeling...I love my King.

While on the beach, the Lord sent me love notes in the form of heart-shaped clouds. My prized camera had since crashed and I had a disposable camera with me that I had bought at the airport. It was going to have to do. Unfortunately, I never got a picture of my hearts. I was disappointed. On the last day of our trip, I again positioned my chair to spend time with Jesus. Just me and Jesus! I was waiting for another love note. I believed the Lord would send one to me. This was the last chance I would have. Our trip was almost over.

My husband came looking for me and was a little upset to find me in that same spot. I had told him I would be ready to do some sightseeing, but I just didn't want to leave my spot. You see...I can be a little bit of a whiner. Yes, I do feel spoiled sometimes. I do feel like a little girl with my Father at times. I'm so thankful He can handle it. I was whining to God and telling him how disappointed I was that I didn't get a picture of a heart-shaped cloud. I kept telling him I knew he could do it again. But, I felt I needed to honor my husband and get going.

My husband asked me what was wrong. I ashamedly accused him for my lack of taking a picture. You see, the day before, I could have taken a picture, but instead I spent time talking with him. At the time, I was proud that I was denying myself and giving him my attention. By the end of our short conversation, the heart-shaped cloud had dissipated. I missed my God moment and it was really "his" fault. Ohhh...I felt awful for blaming him...BUT...I really wanted that picture.

As we made the trek back to the hotel room, I was still holding the camera in my hand. I was still asking the Lord for another love note. I also repented about my whining. I told him how special I felt that he had given me three hearts. I was humbled and asked him to never let me forget what he had done.

About half-way up the walkway, I turned back toward the ocean and looked up in the sky. There it was...the most amazing love note I have ever received! Clearly, God had placed a CROWN shaped cloud in the sky. I nearly collapsed. I was speechless. I tapped on my husband's shoulder. He looked up and said, "Well that sure beats a heart!". He said it so nonchalantly. He knows me...He knows my God! He knew what a crown meant to me.

I took the picture on my little disposable camera. I prayed it would turn out. I would treasure it forever!

When I first came to know Jesus 22 years ago, a friend had given me the scripture on this layout. You will be like a beautiful crown in the Lord's hand. Like a king's crown in your God's hand. Isaiah 62:3 I could not receive it then. She promised me that God had so much for me. That he had the power to heal all of my hurts, to redeem all of my past and to forgive all of my sins. I needed faith to believe that.

Now, I can say she was absolutely right. He is able and He is willing!

That's my story...I continue to stand in awe. I pray that my story has touched your heart. If you are uncomfortable saying, "I am the disciple the Lord loves", I pray that you will begin to pursue your King and respond to him pursuing you. He really loves you! He has a beautiful plan for your life.

I know that God has so much more to teach me about himself. He just keeps getting bigger! I don't want to miss out on a single moment.

This is LIFE!